"I might head out flying"

"I might head out flying."

January 21, 2015

My apologies for that cruddy video, I need to clear some space on my phone something awful. But Robin can jam. Robin has been homeless for a few years now following...pay attention ladies--a terrible break up! What is that 4 for 4? I'm just saying ;) We won't get into this topic! haha Robin was just about as chill of a guy as you can find. He usually stays in a shelter, especially when it's cold but enjoys putting down at the river from time to time. As a Christian, I tend to try and work Jesus into my conversations, but Robin beat me to the punch. Before I had the chance to explain my situation, he asked me if I was homeless and offered some encouraging words about God's plans for each and everyone. Honestly we didn't talk much we just stood there looking at the river for some time, occasionally touching on a topic here and there, including addiction. Robin likes to smoke green and drink a lot. "I like to be alone most of the time..." 5 second pause "...unless I'm partyin! haha" He loves to drink and will often pick an uncrowded bar on Broadway to grab a pitcher. Robin earns his money by jammin on Broadway (outside the bars) something he has done in various cities over the years. Yesterday sucked. He made $17 including the $2 I threw him for a private session; but usually he can pump out anywhere from $40-$80 in tips in one day. It is a skill he picked up after seeing someone else do the same thing, he saved up $8 to get one of his own and has been doing it ever since. He loves the harmonica.

He has not seen or heard from his kids since he became homeless.

He has no plans of escaping homelessness.

"I might head out flying."

This constituted an explanation! No, Robin is not a pilot nor is it a term for getting high--my first inclination. Flying is posting up on a corner or freeway ramp (His favorite) with a sign. This is something he enjoys doing especially when he has a chair or ledge to sit on and maybe a 'sneaker' bottle in his coat. Like most of the guys I've talked to, Robin had a great sense of humor. He told several funny stories. Apparently people throw things at flyers. Sad until you hear it from his perspective. He has been hit with a pen (actually speared through his sign and landed in his lap!), wads of loose change and an ashtray full of change! He didn't care all that much and thought it was kind of fun timing his runs in and out of traffic to pick up quarters off the ramp.

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Last night was mighty chilly.

Happy hump day!

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"...We don't get burgers at McDonald's."

January 20, 2015

A B-E-AUtiful day in Nashville. John didn't make it to coffee, but we ran into eachother at lunch! I was with my buddy Mike, who had insisted I come try lunch at the church. "If you want to be homeless, you gotta eat like the homeless. We don't get burgers at McDonald's." This following my proposition to go get 2 dollar menu burgers! haha. He then showed me his new wallet. A pretty cool bi-fold. We had a nice little joke about their being LITERALLY nothing in it. Mike has a great sense of humor.

(insert photo of lunch line.)

John had just gotten a late start and for obvious reasons giving me notice was not an option. Lunch was great, we had coldcuts, salad, bean soup, cookies and coffee. There were approximately 50 of us in the dining hall--another example of how churches and non-profits in Nashville are on top of their game. On a side-note, I struggled with finally going to take a handout due to my fear of taking food from those who truly need it. I talked with my Co-Founder and we decided it was worth it to gain the full experience and fellowship with some great people. I am a new face in the crowd, but everyone up to this point has been very accepting. The SSP team decided we are going to get a small check and thank you note to the church and will be continuing that pattern if/when I attend similar meals.
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Jumping back to my conversation with John down by the river yesterday.

I could go on and on about this, but I'm here are a few things that stuck with me. Probably in a random, illogical order:

-I AM NOT CONDONING THIS.
Homeless and enjoy coffee? Find a coffee shop that gives free refills. Then locate coffee cup (in the trash or wherever) and hide it near the shop. Need a cup, pick one up. Bushes are best. For optimum results hide one near several different locations if it is a chain. I do not know if this was something John partook in as he did not come out and say it was his tactic.

-Homeless people cannot afford to pay tickets.
I am not addressing the law in any way, and only sharing a story as it was told to me. There is a measure of frustration because he has been given citations in the past for being in a location he is not supposed to be. He said he got a ticket for sitting on the same ledge he had been sitting on from time to time for 8 years. He has been to jail twice over the years; claiming for violations such as these and failure to pay past citations. Hard to pay these fines, when you have zilch. Addiction is expensive and suppressing.

-"Can I ask you if your interested in housing?" "Sure you can ask me."
"No." John has a caseworker and this was a no-brainer from John's point of view. John does not want housing because they take a portion of his check to cover the housing. (He thinks it is 1/3). This simply wont cut it because from the little amount he draws now, he would barely be able to feed his addiction. He is content living by the river, and temporarily 'putting up' someone that needed a spot to  stay.

-'Snipe Hunting'
I don't know how many of you have heard of this, but this was something I grew up with in a small town...some of you know what I'm talking about :)
John goes snipe hunting just about everyday. But his snipes are cigarette butts. He will walk around town until he fills his pocket with several. And just like true snipe hunting, he likes to do it with someone else, rotating 'kills.'

-John recently started learning how to use the internet in the library. The last time he had used a computer he had to dial a phone to get it to tuuurrrnn onnn OR connnnectt or sooommmetthing like that. Didn't make a lick of sense to me.
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I am a deep sleeper and my roommates will tell you I struggle to get out of bed before 9 usually. Not the case out here. The city wakes up--I wake up. Today has been nice. I had a cup of coffee, I walked,  I relaxed in the park with Mike and a flow of other people, I had a nice lunch, had some quiet time reading the Book of James--something my mother and I are doing all 2015. Thanks mom :)

For any brothers and sisters in Christ out there...James 2:1-12 is a nice short read to go along with this blog. For any non-Christians--I would encourage you to glance at it. There are universal truths we can all appreciate.

-Peace Out

(insert photo of mike and I with peace sign)

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"It's like battling the devil with both hands tied behind your back (addiction)." -John

"It's like battling the devil with both hands tied behind your back (addiction)." -John

January 19th

John has been 'houseless' for 10 years. John uses the term houseless because his home is in heaven with Jesus Christ.

This was a conversation I will remember for the rest of my life.

John comes across as funny, wise, caring, content, addicted and not afraid to share his faith. 10 years ago, his second wife left him. He found himself making $100,000 a year in the industrial freight industry with a big house he built himself, a nice truck, a boat and 3 kids. He was an addict then; something he has struggled with his whole life. When things got tough he turned to pills and LTD ('Last Two Dollars--a nickname for whiskey in this community) to end his life. By the grace of God it didn't land. John never even tried to move on, he struggled with depression and addiction and continues to.  Throughout everything he has been through he has never quit believing in Christ and his ultimate sacrifice for us. He has made an unfortunate decision that he cannot win on this earth and ever since has just been passing his time on this earth waiting.

John quoted, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

This is a passage of scripture that many of us are familiar with, a cornerstone truth of our existence, but by no stretch of the imagination the end of the story. Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." John will be the first to tell you he isn't living in his full potential for the Kingdom, but depression and addiction are a powerful tool of the devil.

John talked extensively about how there are wars fought on this earth big and small. But he feels sorry that most people don't realize they are living a part in a greater story, a greater war. John is aware of the spiritual battles he faces and that we all face. But he is confident this war is already won. For those of you that have kept up with this blog, you might find it interesting that the one book besides the Bible that I brought on this journey is 'Epic' by John Eldridge. This is what Eldridge is talking about. I am typing this baffled from the conversation I just had.

My heart aches that John has chosen to miss out on the joy, peace and hope God offers us in this life.

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Our conversation extended much further than religion. As a man with 10 solid years on the streets of Nashville, living the majority of the time outside, he offered some keen insights. I'll touch on some of these tomorrow, following a cup of coffee we are to have together in the morning :)

I almost didn't write this next part because it seems unbelievable. Our conversation took place down by the river about 200 yards from where I have slept 3 nights. When I asked John about where he was staying he said "Past the tracks by the river, but I just moved there. This is where I slept on my second night.

-Matt

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"Gets Stuck"

Night 4
January 18, 2017

"Gets Stuck"

L is 43 and homeless by choice.

This was a new concept to me. I am sure that others with more experience in this world have come to this realization, but for me this was hard to understand. I'll start by saying L was awesome. He didn't exactly come across as a homeless man and I was surprised at his story. L comes from Queens, NY and has been homeless off and on since 2011. "The first time I was homeless was back in 2011."
My conversation with L was great! He let me in on some of the scary truths of what is taking place. In his personal situation; he also (remember Mike) had just had a major fight with his girlfriend and was kicked out of his apartment. Instead of turning to family members that live with in a reasonable distance, he chose to be homeless. He knows several of the people around by name and he loves the sense of freedom that comes with the experience. L is an addict. Clean now, but an off and on again struggle with pain pills continues. I asked him why he makes this choice and he tells me that like a lot of people he just "Gets Stuck" from time to time. He'll be the first to tell you he does not cope well with problems. Homelessness gives him the time he needs to recover from his negative feelings and thankfully he claims that the situation does not direct him towards his prescription pain medicine habits. This is not uncommon in the homeless community. Unfortunately many people fall subject to addiction during this time and it makes an exit strategy much more difficult. To throw some radically unofficial stats at you, he estimated 80% of the 20 or so homeless people around us in the park are currently addicted to drugs excluding alcohol. I dug a little deeper. How do homeless people pay for drugs? First of all they are very resourceful. Food stamps, government checks and gift cards given by local organizations provide this resource. Often upon leaving a shelter, the shelter will pass out $10 gift cards to local restaurants. A $10 gift card might be sold for $5. (This is the type of things I wanted to learn with this experience and am thus so thankful for L's willingness to share).

Brace yourself this part is terrible: drug dealers often pose as homeless people to stay the night in these shelters where they prey on the broken and addicted homeless community. He has heard of dealers driving up in nice vehicles, park off-site and walk into a shelter. L knew several people around, remember Mike from yesterday?--this is a community.

L has never spent a night on the street and is extremely thankful to the many great local organizations that make that possible.

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Two great girl friends of mine contacted me to bring sandwiches and cookies down to the park for lunch to distribute. Uhhh ya of course! I was so exited about this, but was surprised to see that there wasn't even a need. An observation the ladies did not miss.  Mission 615 buses a large number of people to a special dinner on Saturdays and two women brought a trunk full of killer chicken plates to the park as well. There was food everywhere. Much of it nicer than what you or I would typically eat. Kudos to Nashville.

I spent the rest of my afternoon at the Nashville Public Library and then had to report to work for the night. YES I finally justified taking a shower for the sake of my co-workers! It was glorious.

-Matt

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Mike has $0.70 to his name.

Night 3
January 17, 2015

The Little Old Lady from yesterday and her hero Mike.

Mike is homeless.
"My girlfriend got me sentenced for 15 months."
Despite his choice of words during our conversation, I could tell Mike had a great heart. After spending a good amount of time at the small park across the street from the library (I should probably learn the name of it), I have come to the initial conclusion that these people are super generous. Not in the way we would think of. A very nice gentleman gave me about a half a bag of lays potato chips (a large bag!) after he was finished. Despite feeling guilty for accepting, I immediately came to the conclusion that by denying the offer--when I really did want those chips--I could take a way a small blessing from this guy. So I ate, then came Mike. Mike wanted a cigarette. He settled for chips instead and we had a nice conversation over the remaining bag :) Mike is homeless. Has been for a few months, following an incident at McDonalds where his girlfriend lied and said he was threatening her. Because of some priors he was sentenced to 15 months and served 7 months for good behavior. He was poor to begin with but lost his apartment during that time. He was released with no money to his name. Thanks to some church on Green Street, Mike has a tent and a fenced in yard to sleep in until April. I am going to figure out who this church and Pastor Ball are!!

Why does Mike have a great heart? With only a grocery bag in his hands, he told me he was looking for a woman he knows that struggles to get food. He described her as always carrying 2 heavy bags!! If you didn't read yesterday's post---I ran into her! What are the chances the only in-depth conversation I have with a homeless person yesterday would be with this guy! After a bit more conversation, Mike ran into the library to find her. He was back in 3 min. She wouldn't take his eggs
:(
There are people like this and they are hard to help. Something I cannot wrap my mind or heart around. These people need prayer; and I love coming to the conclusion that they need people like Mike.

Some more about Mike:

-Mike knows everyone. Turns out most of them are friends, they know where each other 'live,' where they like to go for dinner (always a local hunger project of some type), they know relationship statuses and probably much more.
-Mike is generous. This sounds crazy, but mid-conversation Mike yelled at a guy across the circle picking up a cigarette off the ground. Apparently that was his friend Susan's!! I was blown away. How did he know that? Is that where Susan puts her cigarettes! Anyway he explained it to the man and put it right back where it belonged. Remember--Mike approached me wanting a cigarette.
-Mike is cool. I told him what I was doing and even offered to buy him a burger off the dollar menu for dinner. He was super grateful for what I was doing, but likes having dinner with his friends! *

I got an email from an acquaintance yesterday. She wanted to talk about my experience and she started by belittling her own recent contribution of making blankets to hand out. THAT IS HUGE IF YOU ASK ME. No one can help everyone, but everyone can help someone. If even a slight increase of people set out to do something like that it would be amazing. God works in small ways. If I had had an extra blanket last night...even the smallest extra bit of comfort helps.
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I tried the more traditional sleeping approach--those darn benches. It lasted till about 3:00 am, but it is seriously impossible to lay down because of the rail and I was freezing! I decided to get up and move a walk for awhile to warm up...sadly I caved and made the 20 min trek to my jeep. Slept in the back for a few hours, at least out of the wind.

* Mike invited me to go to the Jefferson St Bridge for dinner, saying if I really want the homeless experience I need to eat like them. But I feel guilty taking food away from people that truly need it. I want as full experience as I can get, and thought about sending the organization a small check after the matter with an explanation and thank you note. Any feedback on this topic would be great!?

Mike has $0.70 to his name.

-Happy Saturday.

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 @secretshirtnash
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Frosty sleeping bag

Night 2
January 16, 2015

Leading up to the night I spent most of my time at the library reading and eventually ended up on the benches across the street doing much of the same. There were several other people at the surrounding benches some of them sleeping and it didn't take long to make an observation, these benches are not designed to sleep on! I can understand that the city probably doesn't want people sleeping on them, but if they are going to do it anyway, WHY IN THE WORLD do the benches have to suck so bad. They slant the wrong way and all have a rail in the middle that makes it impossible to lye. Slouching or sitting straight up is the only way to make it work. Since they are cold metal I don't understand why we don't all just sit/lay on the ground?

I've been emailed a couple cool questions I didn't address yesterday so thanks for those! Here's what I've got for you:

*Why did you wait to tell Shelby last minute about your intended homeless experience?
-Short version is two parts: 1) I was honestly still debating going through with it. It took a lot of prayer and self-convincing to go through with it. 2) Shelby and I go way back and even though we tell each other everything; I kind of wanted to freak him and his wife (Lindsay) out! Haha. That's just how I roll.

*What did you bring?
-Trash bag with:
     -Sleeping bag.(In hindsight I should have bought some type of arctic tested thing, but this bad boy was $Free.NinetyFree
     -Sheet.
     -Spare sweatshirt.
-Backpack with:
-Small toiletry/first aid kit.
-Roll of toilet tickets.
-Vitamins
-Jar of peanut butter (duh)
-2 cans of beenie-weenie things. (Thanks again Jordan)
-1 can of Sardines (I had never had them and they were $1)
-Hot Sauce and forgot the fork.
-Rag
-Pen & Journal.
-'EPIC' by John Eldridge
-Bible
-2 apples
-Spare socks and gloves.
-Pocket knife & pepper spray.
-This emergency bracelet thing that I've always wanted to have to use...and probably still never will.
-And my 2 vices: 1) 2 apples 2) Can of dip, sorry mom but i was anticipating some stress :(

In full transparency, I had to make a trip home to get Jordan and Greg to get me a blanket and my iPad. It was freaking colder than I thought and realized the library is too difficult to get a cpu and time restraints were going to keep me from getting any work done. I did not go inside despite their feeble attempts to woo me with 'a whole mess of warm meats.' Ha

The past 2 nights have been cold. That is the worst part by far. I can tell that during the winter most people must get in to a shelter because compared to warmer times there are far fewer people on the streets at night. Both nights I have walked to stay warm for about 2 hours before I lay down and I've probably observed a couple dozen people sleeping...I guess I'm still a rookie because I don't sleep on the benches, to revisit that topic--it is so uncomfortable! Another observation is the people seem to sleep in groups of 2 or 3. My guess is for safety, but IDK. I'm sure other smarter people have already learned that reason. My hope is to be able to at least sleep in the vicinity of someone else, but honestly it just makes me nervous.

During the day people flood downtown from the Rescue Mission's area of town. It is impossible to know who is actually homeless and who might just be caught up in poverty struggles, but there are a ton of people downtown during the day. On a sad note, I came across a little old lady carrying 2 heavy bags. She was stopping every 10 yards or so to rest...I made my attempt to help, but she had a bit of a panic attack and started talking some serious jibber jabber. My best guess was that she thought I was going to steal her stuff :(

"If things are cold around you, start a fire. It's not the stone-age." -It's a metaphor people.

-#homelessmatt

Night 1

Night 1
January 14, 2015

28 degrees...

I'll admit it took some time to muster up the nerve to come out. My original plan had been to head out right after we launched the Kickstarter Campaign at 5:00 pm. A last minute meeting with a potential Co-Founder and Product Lead came up; it went great! We will be introducing our third equity member soon :) Even after the meeting, my nervous energy found several things that needed to be done. Embarrassingly, one of these was cook a spaghetti dinner for my roommates and I. Then I remembered one of our favorite shows 'New Girl' was recorded. After re-packing my backpack and sittin on the porch for a while, I couldn't think of anything else...oh wait a hot shower.

"Every night at 9:00, look up at that star and we'll be with you." What a sweet thing for roommates to tell you. (For those of you that know Greg and Jordan, you can find some humor in that!)

Before I tell you how long I walked around trying to find a 'safe' 'warm' spot, I thought I'd answer some possible questions:

*How alone are you really? You have a place to go to if you need to.
-True. I have a nice apartment only 10 minutes from Downtown Nashville. All I can do in this situation is try to separate myself from that thought. It would be naive of me to say I was in the same boat as the truly homeless people around me. I guess this is just my best attempt.

*What safety precautions did you take?
-The basics. Pepper spray (Just FYI, if you have to be 18 to purchase??), Tylenol, Parked my car within about a 15 minute walk of the area I will be staying, and YES I have a cell phone on me. I thought about the phone thing for awhile, but realized it was the only smart way to do this. My mother would die if she couldn't hear from me, I want to document and share at least pieces of my experience and just the 'what-ifs.'

*Don't kid. This is for Kickstarter..?
-Great question. Yes this has a lot to do with our Kickstarter Campaign, and although I had thought about it extensively; it was ultimately a last minute decision to pull the trigger. I read an article about a man by the name of Simon who vowed to sit on the toilet until his campaign "Who gives a crap?" (The sell toilet paper to build toilets in areas that need sanitation solutions.) reached it's goal. Haha. I was instantly inspired.
My prayer is that God can work on my heart during this time, grant me insight and empathy for the people I want to help and get the creative juices flowing. In my personal life I have been longing to let go of distractions in order to spend some time one-on-one time with God.

*Why did you format the money aspect the way you did?
-I was concerned that people would think I was only doing it for the money, then I would go to my nice cozy home. By committing to stay out until we get funded I hoped to show my willingness to put myself in other's shoes, out of my comfort zone. I added the 24 hours for every $1,000 extra raised to show I was willing to keep it going as long as people kept showing they believed in what we are doing. If we raised $1 million, I'd be out for a while, but I'm a man of my word and we'd make it work--the first homeless CEO experience?! Man I wish...

Ok, I'll make this quick because you only get 30 minutes on public computers at the library...this place is packed with lower income and homeless people. Note to self---they could use more computers.
I posted up at a 'V' ledge about 2' tall down by the river. It was cold as crap, but once I snuggled in to the sleeping bag and wrapped my face like a mummy with a scarf (Good call Greg!) it wasn't as bad as I thought. I finally drifted off about 2 am and slept in good increments until about 8 am. Not comfortable my any stretch, and if it hadn't been so chilly I would have got through it a lot better! Couldn't wait to get up and start moving--first stop was McD's for a large coffee. I guess that is a stereotype I had developed over the years!

Questions would be fun--give me something to do!
Email me @ secretshirtmatt@gmail.com if you want!

Smile and Rock on.

-Matt

www.secretshirtproject.com