"I've got to find somewhere to go." -P

On my morning walk to the library yesterday, I ran into 'P.' She was waiting at a busy street corner down by the Music City Center. She had spent the previous night in a shelter but that morning she was told it was time to leave. With no game plan in place, she was literally wandering the streets. When I say no plan, I mean NO plan. Not having a plan is stressful, but not having a plan in 30 degree weather is almost unbearable. Not to mention, the reason she was waiting at the corner. 'P' is almost blind.

Following a horrific story I won't get into, she had found herself on the streets. She waited outside a gas station until she was approached by a Police Officer--turns out this was her hope. Shout out to Nashville Metro for giving her a ride to Room at the Inn. When I found her she was in this same situation again. She said she had been trying to cross the street for awhile but was scared because of her vision issues. She was full panic mode from the beginning, repeating over and over "I've got to find somewhere to go." I helped her across the street and without needing a cue; she began to reveal her story--not pretty. If there was ever someone that just needed to talk it was her. We started with the plan that I would walk her to the Women's Mission on Rosa Parks (probably a 20 minute walk for most people, but she doesn't move like most people--her foot is infected.) We were almost there when she realized this was not where she stayed last night! Honestly, 'P' was so confused about everything it really confused me! She refused to try and stay anywhere besides where she had stayed the night before...she was adamant. Sooo we turn around...

'P' was in rough shape. Here I am arm in arm helping a blind, limping, obvious drug addict. I'm cold, haven't had breakfast yet (I have plenty of food in my backpack), and embarrassingly--kind of annoyed. 'P' claimed she was clean, but you can tell when someone is on drugs. If she was clean--her mind was not right, probably lacking what it craved. Her eyes were jumpy, her teeth were rotted to the gums. She had no idea where the 'place' she had stayed was, but I decided I'd tell her I know exactly where she needs to go--Room at the Inn. Just a hope that someone there would be able to point her in the right direction. After a long while we got back to where we began. She couldn't go on anymore. We rested and ate a couple apples I had in my backpack---watching her eat it with no teeth made me cringe! Where we originally started was only 10 min walk from our destination, but when it was all said and done I had spent about 90 min with this broken woman. When I went to leave her at the door, I thought she was going to have an anxiety attack. She begged me to stay with her, to help her out. I had tried to make it clear that I was homeless myself, but this didn't land with her. She insisted I sit with her for awhile and talk. With reluctance, I did.

Confession time:
Maybe some of you have been in a situation like this, but sometimes people are so distant from reality that it is difficult to even keep up in conversation. For lack of better word, I would use scatterbrained. This is where I am selfish. I'm out here trying to learn the stories behind these people so I can relate, so I can best find solutions and integrate those with The Secret Shirt Project's mission. Dealing with people like 'P' is what I signed up for. But instead of being grateful for the opportunity, I found myself trying to get out so I could get some work done at the library. I usually ask people if I can pray for them before we part ways--in this case I did not and I am ashamed of that. I ignored the Holy Spirit and made a conscious decision to exit the situation in the most convenient way for me. That decision is something I have been struggling with ever since---not worth it.

Don't let yourself get in the way of what God wants to do through you. It is so hard to remember it's not all about us---but it isn't. 

-Matt

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