#EveryoneHasAStory

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Being Homeless Is Difficult

Well if you haven't heard yet, we reached our initial Kickstarter goal on Wednesday! I had one of the best nights of sleep ever! Watched the Wildcats get a win and CRASHED :) Being homeless is difficult.

The past 2 weeks were a life-changing experience for me. I went into it with the hopes of learning how to best help the people our company cares about, but came out with much more. I've spent the past two days trying to organize my thoughts about everything that is happening--this has been a struggle in of itself. From a business side of things, Shelby and I will be working on a few changes:

(1) We will NOT be simply 'check writers,' I want to start with some of the things that you and I take for granted on a day to day basis. When you are homeless, positive progress becomes exponentially difficult because of the 'simple things.' Imagine having to walk 10 minutes to get a sip of water or to use the restroom. Or what about having to duck underneath an awning for 2 hours to wait out the rain--because if you don't, you will be soaked without any way to dry your clothes and nothing to change into. As we begin preparation for growth as a business, these are some of the 'small' things we want to begin to address directly. We can wholesale ponchos for 50 cents! Light bulb on.

(2) I learned the opinions of local NPO's directly from the mouths of those they serve. I will not go into detail about this, but this changed a lot of my thought processes. Invaluable feedback.

(3) About halfway through my experience, I called Shelby to let him know that we were going to do things a bit different. He later referred to it as 'Business as UNusual.' (Something I doubt he coined, but perfect none-the-less!) This was part of the inspiration between our new "Voices Unheard" Collection. We are going to be bridging the gap between ourselves and the homeless community. One thing I learned was that while, YES, oftentimes a homeless person will ask you for money, but likewise they are remarkably willing to talk and sometimes even have the desire for in depth conversation. They have feelings and ignoring someone in any societal circle can hurt--they are no different. Serving people a plate of food will always be great, but creating relationships and treating someone as you would treat your friends or family can make a much longer-lasting impact than a full belly. Our culture will be centered around setting the example for our customers and partners--the gap doesn't have to exist in its current state.

On a personal side:

WOW. This has changed my life. I've already shared many of my observations and opinions in previous blogs so I'll leave it at this for now:

Be cautious of separating yourself from others when you do not know the entire story. Every single person God has ever created has a different story, but what we often forget is all these stories are just lines in THE STORY. We have ALL been invited to play a role. Listen to the Director.

One last funny note!!! I celebrated reaching our goal with Brother Steve, while playing pool he cracked myself and the owner of the bar up so hard!!! Watch what he had to say!

Me--"Tell me one good thing about being homeless."

Bro. Steve "Well, nobody ever asks me for jumper cables!"

I'll be blogging about once per week now and still going out to spend time in the homeless community on a regular basis! Love you guys and thank's for the support!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Meet Bro. Steve

January 29, 2015

Meet Bro. Steve

"We're no different than anyone else. Being homeless is simply a situation, a state of economical indifference. We hurt like you hurt, we cry like you cry, we feel pain like you feel pain. When someone close to us dies, we mourn. When we know someone who is giving birth to new life, we are joyful. We are no different than anyone that has a home, a job, or car. The only thing that separates us is people's inability to love us. And what is going on is that the more indifference that people have towards homeless people, the further away they push those that are homeless that could do better but choose not to do better because nobody else cares." -Bro. Steve

I met Bro Steve a couple nights ago and we had set up a time to hang out and chat. He took me to one of his favorite spots by the river to grab 2 cups of chili. This was truly a great time. We got out of the cold, had some steaming hot chili and he owned the jukebox! Our favorite being "Country Boy" by Aaron Lewis. See Bro Steve isn't your typical inner-city African-American homeless person. His lifelong dream is to own a spot in the country with somewhere to fish nearby and a garden.

Bro.Steve is passionate about caring for those around him in whatever way he can. He spoke of wanting to write a book called, "I'm a Ghost." Title referring to the way most people walk right on past homeless people without as much as a 'hello' or 'how are you.' One of his burning desires is to show people that sometimes homeless people can appreciate these everyday, simple gestures more than even money. In the brief audio clip we recorded, he touches on how homeless people are pushed further and further away from society and from digging out of their situation. They are pushed away because of the separation between themselves and everyone around them.

"Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."
-Chaplain Ronnie Melancon

This is not just a random cool quote, this has Biblical truths. Proverbs 13:20 Solomon writes, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

Don't mistaken this for me saying that all homeless people are fools or all people with housing are wise. I don't think its a stretch to believe Solomon is telling us we are influenced by people around us. Have you ever worked with someone whose motivational drive or commitment is contagious? Surrounding yourself with success makes success easier. Surrounding yourself with negative thoughts, laziness, complacency--that makes things more difficult. Have you ever worked with someone with these negative vibes? It makes being productive and successful much more difficult on you--even if your tasks are completely disconnected. What Bro. Steve is getting at is the streets are full of these negative tendencies (AND THEN SOME!), once you someone is fully encompassed with these barriers, it makes getting out difficult. Even the slightest bit of kindness from someone outside can make a difference; can put a crack in the wall. Enough cracks can break anything. Or if you're really feeling spunky, throw a rope over the wall!!

One challenge Bro. Steve laid out was for people to spend their time. That's how you know they care. Be the person that reeks of joy and motivation. Be concerned with other people beyond writing a check, beyond handing them a plate of food, beyond sparing a $1 on the street corner. These things are great, but they are not how we get to the heart of a broken person. That takes a more personal investment. A friend of mine recently texted me about wanting to take a homeless person she met at church out to lunch to spend a little time with them...are you kidding me? YES! This made me so happy :) Anyone can afford to buy an extra meal, but to sit there out of your comfort zone and get to know someones story...that is what we are called to do. These are the more personal connections that need to be made. From both a human nature standpoint and from a spiritual standpoint.

Hopefully more to come from Bro Steve soon :)

Let's call today Thankful Thursday? Be thankful for clean socks, a restroom and clean water within 30 feet, someone to call in an emergency, pizza delivery when you're hungry, cough drops when you need them and a nightstand where you don't have to worry about your phone getting stolen.

-Matt

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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

"I've got to find somewhere to go." -P

On my morning walk to the library yesterday, I ran into 'P.' She was waiting at a busy street corner down by the Music City Center. She had spent the previous night in a shelter but that morning she was told it was time to leave. With no game plan in place, she was literally wandering the streets. When I say no plan, I mean NO plan. Not having a plan is stressful, but not having a plan in 30 degree weather is almost unbearable. Not to mention, the reason she was waiting at the corner. 'P' is almost blind.

Following a horrific story I won't get into, she had found herself on the streets. She waited outside a gas station until she was approached by a Police Officer--turns out this was her hope. Shout out to Nashville Metro for giving her a ride to Room at the Inn. When I found her she was in this same situation again. She said she had been trying to cross the street for awhile but was scared because of her vision issues. She was full panic mode from the beginning, repeating over and over "I've got to find somewhere to go." I helped her across the street and without needing a cue; she began to reveal her story--not pretty. If there was ever someone that just needed to talk it was her. We started with the plan that I would walk her to the Women's Mission on Rosa Parks (probably a 20 minute walk for most people, but she doesn't move like most people--her foot is infected.) We were almost there when she realized this was not where she stayed last night! Honestly, 'P' was so confused about everything it really confused me! She refused to try and stay anywhere besides where she had stayed the night before...she was adamant. Sooo we turn around...

'P' was in rough shape. Here I am arm in arm helping a blind, limping, obvious drug addict. I'm cold, haven't had breakfast yet (I have plenty of food in my backpack), and embarrassingly--kind of annoyed. 'P' claimed she was clean, but you can tell when someone is on drugs. If she was clean--her mind was not right, probably lacking what it craved. Her eyes were jumpy, her teeth were rotted to the gums. She had no idea where the 'place' she had stayed was, but I decided I'd tell her I know exactly where she needs to go--Room at the Inn. Just a hope that someone there would be able to point her in the right direction. After a long while we got back to where we began. She couldn't go on anymore. We rested and ate a couple apples I had in my backpack---watching her eat it with no teeth made me cringe! Where we originally started was only 10 min walk from our destination, but when it was all said and done I had spent about 90 min with this broken woman. When I went to leave her at the door, I thought she was going to have an anxiety attack. She begged me to stay with her, to help her out. I had tried to make it clear that I was homeless myself, but this didn't land with her. She insisted I sit with her for awhile and talk. With reluctance, I did.

Confession time:
Maybe some of you have been in a situation like this, but sometimes people are so distant from reality that it is difficult to even keep up in conversation. For lack of better word, I would use scatterbrained. This is where I am selfish. I'm out here trying to learn the stories behind these people so I can relate, so I can best find solutions and integrate those with The Secret Shirt Project's mission. Dealing with people like 'P' is what I signed up for. But instead of being grateful for the opportunity, I found myself trying to get out so I could get some work done at the library. I usually ask people if I can pray for them before we part ways--in this case I did not and I am ashamed of that. I ignored the Holy Spirit and made a conscious decision to exit the situation in the most convenient way for me. That decision is something I have been struggling with ever since---not worth it.

Don't let yourself get in the way of what God wants to do through you. It is so hard to remember it's not all about us---but it isn't.

-Matt

Share this blog :) Post questions on blog & join me on twitter/instagram to share your thoughts with The Secret Shirt Project community!
@secretshirtnash
#homelessmatt

Support The Secret Shirt Project on Kickstarter! http://bit.ly/secretshirtproject

Or just email me! secretshirtmatt@gmail.com

Monday, January 26, 2015

WHY IT'S OK TO GIVE SOMEONE $1

January 26, 2015

THIS IS WHY ITS OK TO GIVE SOMEONE $1.

Today's blog is going to be short and sweet.

I always hear people that say they don't give 'bums' money because they will just go by booze, cigarettes or drugs. If this is how you feel I can respect that, certainly understand why you feel that why, but at the same time respectfully disagree. Truth be told (based on my observations and my conversations) about 75% of the folks out here are addicts of some sort, but that leaves some that aren't. After seeing the way things are, I can tell you that whether you give them that George Washington or not...they will feed their addiction if that's their goal. Probably resorting to more destructive means.

It would be hard to construct words that paint the feeling of discomfort that comes with this lifestyle. The simplest things become long processes. They wear on people. Daris for example: Daris has been married for 35 years to his sweetheart (Lynn). Lynn suffers from severe seizures and recently ran out of medications that help control these. She was admitted to the hospital briefly and subsequently sent to a church in Madison, TN until she is recovered enough to leave. They are homeless because there temporary housing ($277/mo) became infested with roaches and bedbugs. They are displaced for a week and awaiting a partial refund for their rent. They have no extra money to find 'temporary-temporary' housing so while Lynn recovers, and Daris is on the streets. Downtown Nashville is the only place he knows where he can find warmth during the day and hot meals regularly.

Before yesterday, he had been trying to go see his wife...but it cost him $0.85 to ride the bus. Daris does not like to beg. I made him take $1. Maybe he put it towards booze, BUT MAYBE he avoided a 3 hour hike to Madison to see his wife of 35 years. Maybe I'll ask how she is? He's here in the library today.

I am not condoning going out and passing out $100 bills like Big & Rich. Use common sense in this area or seek advice. If nothing else it might give you the opportunity to plant a simple seed: "Have a nice day," "God bless you," "Stay warm." or any number of other phrases can comfort someone more than we realize.

I walk past tons of people all the time that I do not choose to help and will probably continue that for the rest of my life. We cannot help everyone and choosing to refrain from giving someone money is ok, even understandable in a lot of cases...Just don't use that excuse.

James 1:5
Proverbs 22:9

-Matt

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Reality Check Cashed...

January 25, 2015

Waiting the in rain for the library to open

Big SO to the Velvet Army for feeding dozens on a cold rainy day

Up to this point most of what I have chosen to write about has been shown in a positive light. This is because I have been blessed to meet some really great people. The past 24 hours has revealed one terrible thing after another. Excluding a great hot lunch where my family got to meet and hang out with 'L' and a brief meeting with the SSP team...I've run into one terrible thing after another. I don't even know where to begin and I am sorry if some of it is disturbing...I'm not a seasoned writer so this won't be very detailed and I'll try to numb it down a bit. I assure everyone I am fine and feel comfort knowing that God is using me for something bigger than me.

Yesterday morning I met what I thought was your pretty average camp of homeless people. I've learned that often a 'camp' will have a leader. This guys name was 'N.' There were 6 of them, 4 guys and 2 women. They did not get my full story. They were concerned with the fact that I was sleeping out in the cold most nights and invited me to stay with them (I won't mention where, but it was downtown, sheltered and sounded safe.) Two of the members had just been released from rehab and had suffered simultaneous seizures that morning. Their story was they were admitted to hospital and released within the hour...I am ignorant of these type of procedures, but it is safe to say they did not get adequate treatment...who knows really. For the sake of chronological consistency, I'll get back to them...

I did a little work in the library, before I began my walk to meet my family for lunch. (They had drove 3 hours just to check in!) Ran into 'L' on the way and asked him if he wanted to meet my family and get some legitimate grub. If you read my previous blog, you might remember he isn't your typical homeless man. Because 'L' is used to people suffering from schizophrenia and every other mental illness under the sun, he chose to read up on me (wait...do I seem crazy!) I was pumped to see he cared enough about the project to do some research; he knows everything about the SSP and was pumped to get to hang out and learn more. We all had a great time hanging out at Nashville Street Tacos and he was really engaging with my niece, nephew, and little brothers. He had to leave early because he really wanted to get into ''Room at the Inn'' and not one of the other shelters. We talked about starting to go to church together, and turns out that he has gone to the church I attend in the past. We exchanged phone numbers and now we get to print a special 6XL hoodie for my man! :)

'L' tells it how it is. There are amputees out here and I wanted to know why. Turns out he knows several and says he regularly runs into someone he hasn't seen in a while and they have recently lost a limb. Addiction and poor hygiene make taking care of infections, often related to diabetes (hey medical people--does that sound right?) very difficult. Not too long ago, he knew of someone passing out partially on the train tracks. He didn't die but it's bad. I am very thankful for some of the advice 'L' has given me. He seems to really care about my safety.

Last night I made a decision I ended up regretting.

I wanted to see what this 'camp' life was all about. I spent some time with my family, my mother forcing extra food on me. I headed back out around 9:30 pm and went for my nightly walk around town. I remembered the location of the where 'N's group was staying and thought that I'd give it a shot, they seemed like ok people. I don't carry any valuables on me at night, besides my phone which I usually keep hidden deep in my layers of clothes. This place was not a cool place. I didn't last 10 min there. To sum it up: drugs, alcohol, inappropriate sexual advances, invasion of privacy (my bag) and rough housing (not with me). Explaining my departure was uncomfortable and I could tell it wasn't landing good. I pulled some food out as a small gesture of kindness and basically just jetted. That sucked.

After that I slept in my car again...which I have done a few nights now. I keep my car in what I would consider a pretty safe place. This could happen to anyone-anywhere-anytime and probably has happened to some of you...but I bet you weren't in your car when it happened! I woke up to the jingling of change at about 7:00 am. Someone was in my front seat stealing change from my cupholder! With the frost on the windows, he had no clue I was in the back...we scared the crap out of each other. He literally fell off the passenger seat onto the ground and took off sprinting. How in the world did he get in without the alarm going off? The doors were locked. I'm an absent minded person so I've had my share of run ins with locksmiths. That process is not quiet. I know the doors were locked because after the fact, I checked the rest of them...DANG.

Reality check cashed.

-Matt

Saturday, January 24, 2015

"3 Hots and a Cot."

"3 Hots and a Cot."

January 24, 2014

What do you do when it rains? After 6:00 the library is closed, can't just run into a restaurant and hang, can't hop in your car, shelter is on the other side of town and you can't afford the bus...you post up under an awning and chill. Or you get wet. Getting your clothes wet when you have nothing to change into is no fun. Hitting up a dryer isn't exactly reasonable unless you want to sit in you wanna wait in your skimpys. Now it wasn't exactly pouring down on me, but try walking in even a drizzle for more than 10 minutes and you're gonna be soaked.

I would have never met 'J' if it wasn't for this though! I might be a rookie homeless person, but I didn't need an instruction manual to figure out it was time to get under something and wait. 'J' had a cool spot so I joined. One thing we don't often consider is being homeless doesn't stop at simply not having a home. You don't have anything--materialess (Maybe Webster's will pick that up.) Even if you had nice things, it wouldn't be feasible to keep up with them. I'm about 9 days in and I am already sick and tired of carrying my backpack. I am learning why most people barely have anything on them. At first, you would of thought I was going on a survival test in the woods. I'm slowly shedding items. 'J' carrys a bag about the size of a ziploc. He has been off and on homeless for years now and usually sleeps outside, even when the temperature drops like last night. (I wimped out and slept in my Jeep.) I don't even remember most of what we talked about there, just small talk really. But we decided to go hit up White Castle for dinner because 'J' knows the manager and they usually let him hang out for a long time when it's cold or rainy. I told him my unique situation and offered to buy him whatever to eat, but he politely refused. Time for just a coffee. We hung out for a couple hours really just telling funny stories, of which he was not lacking. "We live in a YouTube worthy world, and that McDonalds should stream it live! haha" He had a lot of funny stories from there. He told one where two guys he knows were really drunk and one accused the other of stealing his blanket in the middle of the night, an all out brawl took ensued and they were tossed out. The funny part about it was they sat on the sidewalk outside and smoked a cigarette together, then the drunker of the two came in and politely asked if he could please have the food he left at his table! You probably gotta hear 'J' tell it, he's a great story teller. He'd be better if he could control his own laughter during the tale! He also taught me about the 'X' system and the '30 min' system at downtown McDonald's. Being smack downtown they have instituted a couple reasonable systems to keep people moving in and out. You get 30 min and you get 1 refill on your coffee. They slap a big 'X' on it to track it. He loves to watch guys try to cover the 'X' up with their hand in attempt to get round 3. Happens all the time, but he's never seen success! Again--gotta hear him tell it.

'J' and I get along. I hope I run into him again. He said he hits the library up almost everyday so I'm gonna keep an eye out. He taught me a lot. I needed to get out to Hillsboro Village for an errand and he taught me the bus schedule, actually waiting at the stop with me. He taught me which 24 hour restaurants a guy can stay warm in for 30min-1hour during the night--something he did last night and a lot of nights during the winter. 'J' is a nice guy, he's got a network of managers that are very kind in extending his stays and he never has to be asked to leave. He is respectful. We've all heard about how homeless will sometimes try to get arrested to get warm...I asked about this and he taught me about

"3 Hots and a Cot." (I felt stupid needing an explanation--hopefully you get it!) He taught me about 'Obama' phones. Hearing him talk about those dreaded times you get put on hold with customer service freakin cracked me up!

"You start sweatin, you want to hang up but you tell yourself their about to pick up, you start countdowns in your head and then you freak out and hang up. Then instantly you just know without a shadow of doubt, that that little customer service girl on the other end answered at that very moment. D&#M!" (I paraphrased that story, but it was freakin hilarious!)

He gets 250 min/month, a small amount of data and so many text messages. He often has to tell his cousin (or sister---i forget) goodbye before he wants to. The phones just cut off when you hit 250.

'J' didn't like having his photo taken. You'd think it would have been awkward after I asked and he said no but it wasn't. That's the type of guy he is. We had breakfast together at McD's--and neither of us had the guts to go for round 3!

I want to sincerely thank everyone reading. Honestly the feedback has been a bit overwhelming. I did not come into this with any solid expectations and have to admit I didn't even plan to write the blog until last minute based on a friend's suggestion. Seeing so many people that truly want to get involved, that want to figure out how to help is an amazing feeling. You know things hit home when people start talking about their giving their time, not just money.

-Matt

Thursday, January 22, 2015

"It's a long story."

"It's a long story."

January 22, 2015

--Hi. I'm S. I'm a divorced widow in-between jobs. I raised three kids to adulthood. As they grieved the loss of their father, it took a toll on my ability to keep a steady job. So, that combined with some bad financial advice, I am currently homeless. I hope to find permanent, full-time employment in Nashville and either a studio apartment or suitable roommates also.--

'S' wrote that.

We can all take a lesson from her kindness.

Before I talk about 'S,' my night-before experience:
_________________________________________________________________________________
I ran into John outside of Nashville Street taco, post visiting with the employees to compliment Katie. John asked me to meet him by the river to soak in some sun...back to that in a second. Katie is an employee there. Katie sometimes takes fresh leftovers after her shift to people on the benches where I have been sleeping and I was lucky enough to be in the right spot at the right time. I was sitting and chatting with a couple guys around 1:00 am, just brainstorming a place where we could go hang. "There's got to be somewhere we can just build a dang fire and hang." 'D' and 'T' were freezing. And they had some fresh words to describe this, I'll leave that out! They each have temporary employment and work early in the morning. They had been out drinking a little bit and didn't want to stay at the shelters. They were adamant about finding somewhere to just hang out, out of the wind and build a fire. Pretty cool dudes. I wish we had known a place close by to do that! Katie brought us a feast. I had fresh fried chicken fingers and a biscuit. Katie was honestly the first person this week that treated me/us just like we should be treated. She didn't simply say here's some food and leave. She spent time with us, asked questions, shared her story (we ALL have one!) and walked down the line of benches to see who needed the food the most. It was one of the most genuine acts of kindness I have come across. Note to self--be more like Katie.
After Katie left, the guys decided to go walking to stay warm and invited me to do the same. With a full belly I decided to call it a night. Woke up at about 3 or 4 to find 'T' asleep on the bench across from me! I was cold and he had half the coverings I did.
____________________________________________________________________________

We don't know someone's story unless we ask. Unless we listen. While I was sittin on the lawn with John; 'S' approached, said Hi and sat right beside me. This is something most people are uncomfortable with or might find weird or awkward. I am so thankful she is not one of those people. I'm almost ready to call this a 'Truth' in the homeless community. Everyone is willing and much more excited to learn your story. She wanted to know my story! Try putting yourself in my shoes for a second---not an easy thing for me to do out here. I am always torn about telling someone I actually have a car, nice apartment, family and friends everywhere, starting a company etc.. It would be much easier to throw out something else. And I'd be lying if I said I tell everyone the full truth right off the bat. I ease into.

'S' was special. A genuinely smart and caring person. In this instance I was able to share my story quickly, and she was so so supportive and even had a couple great ideas for us! After sharing, I reciprocated by asking her situation: She's educated. In her past she has held marketing jobs, ran a small print shop and has seen some success.Things got difficult fast and this is her first experience with homelessness. After the death of her husband, who had been the primary bread winner in the family, things just kind of fell apart. She ended up with no where to stay and is temporarily living at the Women's Shelter on Rosa Parks. She is grateful. She is grateful for a place to stay, for food, for her new Chucks. (check out those chucks!) I wanted her to write a small paragraph for you guys :)

She did have a long story and for some reason I feel selfish with it. (Sorry everyone!) After my hour or so with her, I would consider her a friend. We exchanged email addresses, added each other on Facebook and had a nice hug when her sister picked her up. God willing, 'S' is the exact type of teammate we'd love to add down the road at SSP.

One thing I can't stop thinking about is why we can't just slow down and talk to people. In the world I'm living right now, things are different. Granted I know I am experiencing only a small sample of what is really out there, but I cannot get over how easy people are to talk to. I've always take a bit of self pride in my ability and willingness to strike up conversation with someone; but looking back: I am not a good listener. I'm not an active listener. I'm not engaging or empathetic or honest in my conversation. God has guided me into some great situations and enabled me to be these things this week and I wouldn't trade what I've gained through that openness for anything.

Ok my first true challenge. It's easy. Talk to someone you would typically never talk to (doesn't have to be a homeless person!) Be engaging, sincere, honest, ask question and don't rush. Bet some of you learn something about yourself in doing so.

-Matt